Email Author
The characters of "Combat!"...oh for cryin' out loud, you know they don't belong to
me.  Copyright 2003 (yeah, in my dreams) by Mel

            
A Day...um, Hour?...In the Life of a Fanfic Character



“Oh for the love of…hurry up, Kirby!�

“Hey, this is the first chance I’ve had to go in ages, leave me alone.â€�  The
muffled voice from the other side of the closed door sounded suspiciously smug.

“Kirby, if you aren’t out of there in two minutes, I swear I’ll break the door
down.�

After taking nearly every bit of those two minutes, Kirby unlocked the door and walked
out of the little room as he wiped his wet hands on his pants.  â€œIt’s all yours,
Littlejohn.�

Before the big soldier could get through the door, another body slipped past his.  The
door shut in Littlejohn’s face as he heard the click of the lock.  â€œDoc!  I canâ
€™t believe you did that.  It’s
my turn.�

A snort of laughter behind him made Littlejohn spin around, shooting Caje an angry
glare.  â€œWell it was.  I feel like I’m gonna burst.â€�

“Ah, c’mon.  You can sneak off more often to use the john than I can.  Jeez, Iâ
€™m in nearly every story.â€�

“Is that my fault?  At least you don’t have to carry the stretcher as much as I
do.  I think my arms are gonna fall off.â€�

An indignant, “Hey!â€� came from inside the bathroom.  â€œOkay, so maybe Doc
carries it more than I do.  Still, the damn thing gets heavy.  And it’s usually you or
the Sarge taking it easy while we carry you.�

“Hey, you think I like it?  If they ain’t shooting me or stabbing me, I’m
getting beat up by somebody.  It’s almost as if they like doing that to me.â€�

Another indignant “Hey!â€� from the bathroom had Caje shaking his head.  â€œItâ
€™s not even the same, Doc.  They hardly do much more than give you a flesh wound.
�

Opening the door, Doc wiped his hands on a towel.  â€œHey, I’ve been killed off
once or twice ya know.�

“Not very often.  I think they’re afraid of the readers turning on ‘em if they
do.  Besides, they have to keep you alive to take care of me.â€�

“Yeah, yeah.  Seems like that’s all I do is bandage up you and Sarge.â€�

All three stepped back in surprise as someone flashed past Doc into the bathroom,
slamming the door behind him.  A plaintive wail from Littlejohn announced the blurâ
€™s identity.

“Saaarge!  I gotta go!â€�

A certain amount of relief colored the response from their sergeant.  â€œCross your
legs, Littlejohn.  I just had to hold it for over fifty pages.â€�

Groaning in agony, Littlejohn did as Saunders suggested.  He added a little dance to it,
looking for all the world like a five-year-old who’d waited too long to go.  â
€œSaaarge.â€�

“Zip it, Littlejohn.  Rank hath its privileges.â€�

“In that case, shouldn’t I have my turn first?�

Chuckling at the sight of their lieutenant standing there, imitating Littlejohn’s painful
stance, the others shared a smile.  It was nice to see someone else having to wait his
turn.

Several others lined up behind Hanley and Caje did a double take.  â€œDoc Walton?  
Jeez, where’ve you been?�

Shooting the Arkansas medic a dark glance, Doc Walton crossed his arms and frowned.  
“Ah, I’ve been sitting in that damn extras room for ages.  For some reason they
like
him better than me.�

Covering his mouth with his hand, McCall muttered, “Maybe ‘cause you ain’t
got a personality.�

“What was that?�

Pasting an innocent look on his face, McCall shrugged.  â€œI didn’t say anything.â
€�

Doc…uh, the second one…was looking fairly smug.  He couldn’t help it that he
gave
them more to work with.

When the door opened once more, Littlejohn shot the others such a look of death that
nobody dared enter before he did.

Seeing the group gathered around the latrine, Saunders tried to appear stern.  â€œWhat
is everyone doing here?  Don’t you have Germans to be killing, or getting
yourselves wounded or something?�

Taking a quick headcount, Doc shrugged.  â€œBilly must be out there somewhere,
doing something.  I shudder to think what they’re doing to him right now.â€�

“Hey, if they’re busy with him maybe we can catch a little break.�

“Don’t kid yourself, Kirby.  You know he’ll end up in trouble somehow and
you guys will have to save his butt.  Then I’ll have to bandage it.â€�

“Well I sure ain’t gonna bandage his butt.�

“Shut up, Kirby.�

Shaking his head, Saunders seemed to be actually worried.  â€œThey’re up to
something.  I can feel it.  It’s like they’re all comparing notes and conspiring to
hurt us.�

“You’re paranoid, Sarge.�

Looking around, Caje shivered.  â€œNo, he’s right.  Like they’re all conspiring
to wound me or make me suffer.�

“Get over yourself, Caje.�

“Shut up, McCall.  You lead a fairly charmed life here.  And you get more bathroom
breaks than we do.�

“What I wanna know is, how come all those times I play poker they can’t make
me win more often?�

“Good grief, Kirby.  Is that all you can think about?â€�

“Well…yeah.�

Rolling his eyes, Caje gestured to Doc…uh, the second one.  â€œCan you believe this
guy?�

“Quite frankly, no.�

This time the indignant, “Hey!â€� came from Kirby.  â€œYou’re supposed to
be neutral, Doc.�

“Yeah, right.  Now that I can tell you how I really feel…you’re a pain in the
neck, Kirby.�

“Jeez, ya think ya know who your friends are.�

An undefined…something…had Caje, Kirby, Doc and Saunders looking up and
frowning.  Littlejohn stumbled through the door, still zipping up his pants.  â€œAh,
man.  What are they doing to us this time?â€�

With a collective groan, the five men gathered up their equipment and headed back intoâ
€¦well, wherever they came from.

The blurred form of Billy Nelson whizzed past on the way to the bathroom.  â€œYour
turn guys.  Gotta go.â€�

“Swell.â€�  Looking back at his sergeant, Kirby raised his eyebrows.  â€œWhose
turn is it to go first this time, Sarge?�

“Yours.�

“Aw, man.  You know they’ll pick on the first one they see.â€�

“Better to get it over and done with, soldier.�

“Aw, man.�

Kirby disappeared into the void, where an echo of evil laughter could be heard.  Caje
shot Saunders a puzzled look.  â€œIt wasn’t really Kirby’s turn, was it?â€�

“No, it was mine.  But I sure as hell wasn’t going first.  They’d have had a
field day with that.â€�  Looking at the others, Saunders gathered his resolve.  And his
courage.  â€œWell, men.  Guess it’s time.â€�

Rifling through his bag, Doc mumbled under his breath.  â€œHope I have enough
bandages.  You can bet
somebody’s gonna catch it.�

“Maybe they’ll be so busy with Kirby, they won’t notice us for a while.�

The hysterical laughter from his comrades that followed that comment made Caje cringe.

“I’m dead meat.�

The evil laughter echoing from around him pretty much confirmed his suspicions.  Even
as the bullets began to whiz around him, Caje shook his head.

“Crazy writers.  Jeez.â€�

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heheheh.  Ahem, uh, The End
.